Christmas advice for families

Christmas can be a wonderful time for fun, adventure and of course lots of family activities for many families, but we know it can also be a difficult time for an adopted child.  Some might feel overwhelmed with all of the activity and this time of year can be a trigger which can lead to challenging behaviour. Equally, adults may naturally be keen to host the ‘perfect’ Christmas for their children, but this can often lead to stress and disappointment if things don’t work out quite to plan.

We asked our adopters to share their tips on having a smooth Christmas for families who do find this time of year difficult which we are delighted to share in this article.

1. Parent your way

Remember you know what your child needs most so as our adopters say don’t be afraid to put your foot down where needed.

Ignore comments from friends or family who have no experience of parenting kids from trauma.

Jane, mum of two

Rest days from school if needed, consider each invitation and not being afraid to say no thanks.

Maggie, adopter with two teenage boys

Spread out giving presents if they are particularly young or not used to a lot of things as it can be very overwhelming. Also limit visitors so it’s not a lot of coming and going, stopping and starting. Give them time to breathe and enjoy their presents before moving onto the next thing.

Allison, adopter, mum and step-mum

2. Don’t be hard on yourself

There’s a lot of pressure to have the picture-perfect Christmas but we all know that’s not real life and having a more realistic view of what Christmas ‘should be’ will make it easier if things to go a little off-plan.

My advice for Christmas would be to lower your expectations and just try and go with the flow. Expect that over-stimulation may lead to wobbly moments. Try and build some calm time in. Stick to routine as much as possible.

Stacy, mam of child

First Christmas and for as long as you need to, keep it low key. Don’t expect the children to eat a Christmas dinner and tell other adults in the house that you don’t want pressure on them.  Make sure you label a present from you as parents so they don’t think you have left them out.

Laura, mum of two

3. Make time for yourself

Having downtime is important for all family members during the Christmas period – whether for you that’s having time with friends and family, taking a walk, treating yourself to a cake and a coffee or popping off to the cinema, make sure you do something that’s just for you.

Have a Christmas meal out with a friend or partner before school breaks up, or in the New Year when schools return. I always do this. Christmas has to be so low key for us, that it’s boring, so I sparkle it up for me, but not around the kids so they don’t get stressed. Stock up on your fave treats so you can munch in any 5 min breather you get or at night when kids are asleep.

Jane, mum of two

4. Prepare for the unexpected 

As much as we try, it’s fair to say that some plans just don’t  go our way.  Take some small steps  in the run up to Christmas to make things easier should things go a little off-plan.  This could be as simple as having food in the freezer for ‘those days’ or asking friends and family to help you with some of your to-do list.  While a diary full of activity might work for some children, if your child is struggling with a busy schedule, having some relaxing, back up ideas ready to do at home instead can make all of the difference.

Try to get any important Christmas chores out of way when kids not around or rope them in. They pick up on our stress!  Plan all your meals in advance and have some in freezer. Again, boring but lifesaving.  If Christmas activities like visiting Santa are too much. Bake a Christmas item (or buy ready-made cakes and throw on icing and sprinkles) once a week. Baking is calming and gives life skills.

Jane, mum of two

Why not download our Christmas activity book to keep your little ones entertained – and hopefully give you a chance to grab a cuppa!

5. Stick to a routine

Christmas and New Year is a busy time of year and we often find ourselves out more often and for longer, but you might find your child doesn’t respond well to a change in routine, so try to keep some of the bigger routines like bedtime and mealtime around your usual times.

We try not to overwhelm him with changes to his normal daily routine.

Amy, mother of a toddler

Keep routine at home as close to normal as possible, don’t plan too much, don’t have rose tinted expectations, go with the flow, have Christmas dinner all prepped in the freezer just to reheat and don’t worry if Christmas dinner is frozen pizza.

Maggie, adopter with two teenage boys

6. Get outside

We can often forget about exercise during a busy Christmas, but it not only helps children relax and decompress after the excitement of Christmas, but it also gives you some time to switch off for a bit too.

Cortisol burning exercise – walks / bike ride / trampoline park/ skate park twice a day. Otherwise, we have huge wobbles.

Jane mum of two 

7.  And finally – ask for help if you need it

Everyone struggles at times and although we can be a little reluctant to ask for help, your friends, family and support groups are there to help you so speak up and ask if you need any help.

Don’t leave it until it’s hard. Always try to tag in with ‘your tribe’.

Jane, mum of two

If your child has or might have any sensory issues and their behaviour worsens before Christmas, try turning your twinkly lights to static. It’s a perfect opportunity to reinforce that they are a good amazing person that you are proud of, even if they are testing you to the limits!

Helen, mother of a teenager 

Find out more

Remember we operate a Duty Phone number for those who need help over the festive period:

Cumbria County Council: 0303 333 1216

Durham County Council: 03000 269 400

Together for Children: 0191 5612221