Christmas advice for families

Christmas can be a wonderful time for fun, adventure and of course lots of family activities for many families, but we know it can also be a difficult time for an adopted child.

Some might feel overwhelmed with all of the activity and find this time of year a trigger which can lead to challenging behaviour. Equally, adults may naturally be keen to host the ‘perfect’ Christmas for their children, but this can often lead to stress and disappointment if things don’t work out quite to plan.

We asked our adopters to share their tips on having a smooth Christmas for families who do find this time of year difficult which we are delighted to share in this article.

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1. Parent your way – you know what your child needs most so don’t be afraid to put your footdown where needed.

Ignore comments from friends or family who have no experience of parenting kids from trauma.

Jane, mum of 15-year-old and 11-year-old

Rest days from school if needed, consider each invitation and not being afraid to say no thanks.

Maggie, adopter with two teenage boys

Make sure you label a present from you as parents, so they don’t think you have left them out.

Laura, mum of two

Spread out giving presents if they are particularly young or not used to a lot of things as it can be very overwhelming. Also limit visitors so it’s not a lot of coming and going, stopping and starting. Give them time to breathe and enjoy their presents before moving onto the next thing.

Allison, adopter, mum and step-mum

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2. Don’t be hard on yourself – there’s a lot of pressure to have the picture-perfect Christmas but we all know that’s not real life and having a more realistic view of what Christmas ‘should be’ will make it easier if things to go a little off-plan. 

Lower your expectations and just try and go with the flow. Expect that over-stimulation may lead to wobbly moments. Try and build some calm time in. Stick to routine as much as possible.

Stacy, mam of child

First Christmas and for as long as you need to, keep it low key. Don’t expect the children to eat a Christmas dinner and tell other adults in the house that you don’t want pressure on them.

Laura, mum of two

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3. Make time for yourself so you can enjoy the festivities and get some down-time too.

Have a Christmas meal out with a friend or partner before school breaks up, or in the New Year when schools return. I always do this. Christmas has to be so low key for us, that it’s boring, so I sparkle it up for me, but not around the kids so they don’t get stressed. Stock up on your fave treats so you can munch in any 5 min breather you get or at night when kids are asleep.

Jane, mum of 15-year-old and 11-year-old

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4. Taking some time to prepare can make your life easier if things go a little off track. 

Try to get any important Christmas chores out of way when kids not around or rope them in. They pick up on our stress!  Plan all your meals in advance and have some in freezer. Again, boring but lifesaving.

Jane, mum of 15-year-old and 11-year-old

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5. Have back-up plans – you may have a diary full of activities and family visits which works brilliantly for some children, but if your child is struggling with a busy schedule, have some relaxing, back up ideas ready to do at home instead.

Christmas activities like visiting Santa too much? Bake a Christmas item (or buy ready-made cakes and throw on icing and sprinkles) once a week. Baking is calming and gives life skills. We have made Christmas fairy cakes and mince pies so far.

Jane, mum of 15-year-old and 11-year-old

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6. Stick to a routine – Christmas and New Year is a busy time of year and we often find ourselves out more often and for longer, but you might find your child doesn’t respond well to a change in routine, so try to keep some of the bigger routines like bedtime and mealtime around your usual times.

We try not to overwhelm him with changes to his normal daily routine.

Amy, mother of two-yea-old

Keep routine at home as close to normal as possible, don’t plan too much, don’t have rose tinted expectations, go with the flow, have Christmas dinner all prepped in the freezer just to reheat and don’t worry if Christmas dinner is frozen pizza.

Maggie, adopter with two teenage boys

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7. Get some exercise – we can often forget about exercise during a busy Christmas, but it not only helps children relax and decompress after the excitement of Christmas, but it also gives you some time to switch off for a bit too.

Cortisol burning exercise – walks / bike ride / trampoline park/ skate park twice a day. Otherwise, we have huge wobbles.

Jane mum of two – Couple with 15 year old and 11 year old

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8. And finally – ask for help if you need it – take support from friends, family and support groups.

Don’t leave it until it’s hard. Always try to tag in with ‘your tribe’.

Jane, mum of 15-year-old and 11-year-old

If your child has or might have any sensory issues and their behaviour worsens before Christmas, try turning your twinkly lights to static. It’s a perfect opportunity to reinforce that they are a good amazing person that you are proud of, even if they are testing you to the limits!

Helen, mother of 15 year old

Remember we operate a Duty Phone number for those who need help over the festive period:

Cumbria County Council: 0303 333 1216 

Durham County Council: 03000 269 400

Together for Children: 0191 5612221